Hey Jodi,
Im just kinda curious about your opinionon this one. This situation isnt too common so okay here goes...
I fell in love with my best friends mother. We have been dating for 3 years now and no one knows about it. We have gone away on weekend vacations and everything. She get’s me whatever I want and breaks me off what I need too. I want to move in with her and officially make her mine because i honestly love her and i believe she loves me too. What do I do? How do I tell my bff w/o hurting her. O by the way I am a woman as well.
Sincerely,
Bit by a Cougar
Let me start off by saying WOW... Indeed this is no typical situation. The first question that comes to mind is, if the love is so strong, why have you guys been hiding it for three years? Is it purely because you guys dont want your best friend to find out? There is honestly no way out of this without someone getting stung. Does the best friend know that her mother and/or you are even attracted to women? Let alone dating each other for three years? This is hard because on one hand, your and adult and need to do whats best for you, yet this is surely gonna shock your bff's system.
If it were I, id just sit everyone down and tell all truths. Thats all you can do at this point. Tell everyone how you feel and see where that leads you. When in doubt always be honest to yourself and how you feel. That usually gets you the best outcome...
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
P.S. Dont confuse when i say 'best' outcome with 'desired' outcome. The truth usually exposes everything for what they really are. Dont be surprised if your arent able to keep both relationships as they are now.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
10 Grieving Dont's...
Dont get me wrong, i love my friends and family but some of the stuff just made me go 'Eh???' So ive composed a list of 10 things to try to watch for when helping someone grieve...
1) How are you?
Asking how a person is RIGHT after someone close to them has passed may be the dumbest thing that you can ask. How do you think a person who has just lost a major part of their life is going to feel? Great? Not quite... its your best bet to assume that the person in grief is feeling the worse pain that they have ever felt (because most likely thats how they feel) and just be there. Dont talk (cause you havent proven yourself capable so far) just be there to listen.
2) Im Sorry
ME TOO!!! I understand that its common to say 'Im sorry' when hearing someone has passed, but before you say it the person in grief has already taken for granted that you didnt want this to happen and that you feel bad, saying 'im sorry' just reminds the grieving person how akward things really are... Say 'My condolences' or something. Idk.
3) Is there anything i can do?
Yes, you can bring back the person i just lost... O you cant do that? Well in that case no... there is nothing you can do. Dont get me wrong, i understand this is coming from the utmost generous part of your heart and if the person was in their right state of mind they would be better able to respond, but because they are NOT in their right state of mind this too just points to a sign thats says 'THIS IS WEIRD'
4) Well at least...
REALLY? AT LEAST WHAT? AT LEAST IM NOT DEAD??? Because depending on who you dealin with they might just want to do that. Do your best not to compare this stituation to ANYTHING! You wont win and will NOT make the person feel better. If they're anything like me it just pisses them off.
5) I remember when my _____ died...
Who cares? Not to be rude, but from the most honest place in a grieveing persons heart, WHO CARES??? Clearly when _____ died in your life you were able to get over it and yadda yadda ya, but this aint that, AT ALL. Even though in your mind the situations may be IDENTICAL to the person in grief, this aint that, and never will be. Comparing grief can backfire on you very badly seeing as everybody grieves differently. Not to slight your experience but just because when yo cousin died you picked flowers and it helped doesnt mean when my mom dies i can pick flowers and itll help... im jsut sayin.
6) Not calling
Depending on who you are in a persons life just you calling and saying 'Im here for you' is enough to give a grieving person the strength to get out of bed. And you not calling can do the exact opposite. i understand it may be hard for you as well and you may not know what to say but a simple 'Im here' will do the trick. When a person loses someone close to them its very important to make then feel like they are not alone. The loss of a close loved one is a very lonely time and close friends and family should make sure to let the pesron know they are loved (without annoying them, lol)
7) Calling too much
Its one thing to call and check up on someone but calling every hour is ridiculous. Just plain annoying. Like anyone else a grieving person needs time to themselves to sort out their thoughts and feelings. She/.he cant do that if their phone is ringing off the hook. Chill out, they know you care.
8) Calling and saying nothing
If you have nothing to say, just text hi... Dont call and breath, its annoying... in any situation...
9) Inviting yourself over
Even though in your mind the person doesnt need to be alone or needs to be consoled, if you dont know dont act. If its rude to just drop by on a regular basis what makes you think ots ok just because ____ passed? Guess what? ITS NOT!
10) Why didnt you...
Ask a person why they didnt call you and tell that their loved one passed or calling and asking why they didnt 'invite' you to the funeral is just plain stupid. A) the person isnt in their right mind or emotional state. B) the funeral isnt a club, it a place to show respects. Most of the person is too busy trying to get themselves together for the funeral. C) THIS AINT ABOUT YOU!!! Period.
These are just tips to consider. None of this is fact or researched, just some things to keep in mind in case you ever have to run into this situation.
Jodi~
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Soul Star Speaks Out
Hey, hey, hey!
If you wanna catch up on random conversation between Jodi and SoulStar or if you just need a really good random laugh from dry humor and awesome pics, check out soulstarspeaks.tumblr.com Im sure you wont be disappointed.
Jodi~
If you wanna catch up on random conversation between Jodi and SoulStar or if you just need a really good random laugh from dry humor and awesome pics, check out soulstarspeaks.tumblr.com Im sure you wont be disappointed.
Jodi~
A Fresh Cup of Jodi
Its a new, yall got new issues and im here to help. Ive recently been MIA but i apologize and im bizack and better. So keep checking daily for new posts from you and others that are gonna give that bost you need to your day!
Jodi~
Jodi~
Friday, November 27, 2009
How do i manage?
Hello Jodi,
I am one of the youngest supervisors at my job. I also happen to be a black female. With this being said i am very cautious about what i do and how i present myself. The team that im over preforms very well, all except one. You guessed the only black woman on my team. She also happens to be ten years my senior. She is not computer literate, she cant spell (despite spell check) and she presents herself in an unprofessional manner, which in turn makes me look bad.
Now on one hand as her supervisor, i want her to get it together immediately. I cant believe she isnt improving despite multiple conversations about her preformance. I nor the company have any more time to tolerate her incompitance, she is costing us all money and now I am being approached about her by my superiors.
On the other hand, sister girl is a single mother of two kids and struggeling to make ends meet. I knwo shes not improving because she cant. The software is too advance and due to previous drug use and lack of education its hard for her to catch up. As a black woman i want to help her best i can but i dont know what to do. I cant help her at work and i cant help her at home with the sofftware. Ive tried to coach her about her attitude and apperance but she doesnt take it from a receptive stand point because of my age.
I dont know what to do. By no means do i want to put my job in jeopardy because of her, but i dont want her to loose hers either, especially with two kids.
Trying to manage.
Hey Trying to Manage,
Ok so first lets evaluate whether or not she would risk her job to help you keep yours-
Ok, now that we see that she wouldnt the only thing you can do is soften the blow. Its nobel that you wanna help a sista out but reality is reality. if she is not willing to conform to the guidelines of her job description then she need to find another job. Since you are the helpful person that you are, i would say talk to her one last time and explain to her that you are only trying to help her keep her job, if she still refuses then there is nothing you can do. Look and see if there is a department that may hold less responsiblity for her and maybe see if she could get transfered to that department. If not see if you can help her find another job and offer to be a reference for her. She may have two kids but shes grown and need to take responsibility for her actions. Also you have to look out for yourself, i dont think this lady is gonna let you move in wiht her if you get put out after you loose your job over her.
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
I am one of the youngest supervisors at my job. I also happen to be a black female. With this being said i am very cautious about what i do and how i present myself. The team that im over preforms very well, all except one. You guessed the only black woman on my team. She also happens to be ten years my senior. She is not computer literate, she cant spell (despite spell check) and she presents herself in an unprofessional manner, which in turn makes me look bad.
Now on one hand as her supervisor, i want her to get it together immediately. I cant believe she isnt improving despite multiple conversations about her preformance. I nor the company have any more time to tolerate her incompitance, she is costing us all money and now I am being approached about her by my superiors.
On the other hand, sister girl is a single mother of two kids and struggeling to make ends meet. I knwo shes not improving because she cant. The software is too advance and due to previous drug use and lack of education its hard for her to catch up. As a black woman i want to help her best i can but i dont know what to do. I cant help her at work and i cant help her at home with the sofftware. Ive tried to coach her about her attitude and apperance but she doesnt take it from a receptive stand point because of my age.
I dont know what to do. By no means do i want to put my job in jeopardy because of her, but i dont want her to loose hers either, especially with two kids.
Trying to manage.
Hey Trying to Manage,
Ok so first lets evaluate whether or not she would risk her job to help you keep yours-
Ok, now that we see that she wouldnt the only thing you can do is soften the blow. Its nobel that you wanna help a sista out but reality is reality. if she is not willing to conform to the guidelines of her job description then she need to find another job. Since you are the helpful person that you are, i would say talk to her one last time and explain to her that you are only trying to help her keep her job, if she still refuses then there is nothing you can do. Look and see if there is a department that may hold less responsiblity for her and maybe see if she could get transfered to that department. If not see if you can help her find another job and offer to be a reference for her. She may have two kids but shes grown and need to take responsibility for her actions. Also you have to look out for yourself, i dont think this lady is gonna let you move in wiht her if you get put out after you loose your job over her.
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
The ReboundE
Sup Jodi,
Ok so i was friends with this girl all throughout her recent relationship that was just terrible. She was always calling me telling me about how terrible dude was and how terrible he treated her. So me being the nice cool nigga i am i got her back, im givin her advice, talkin to her when her man aint and everything. So her and dude finally break up and she tells me she got feelings for me but she doesnt wanna get in a relationship cause her head is all fucked up right now. So i can get with that and im like cool, its whateva. I was glad she had enough sense to not go from him to me... So a month later right she texts me like i wanna be with you and im ready for a relationship blah blah blah. So im like ok, lets see what this be like. Like 2 weeks later here she comes tellin me maybe this was a mistake and dude wants to be better and yadda yadda yadda. SO im like aight but fuck u then, dont come crawlin back to me cause u on bullshit. So now i don hurt her feelings and she want a nigga back. So today she hit me up on some 'im sorry it was me' type shit. So i tells her well now i gotta think about it cause my head fucked up now. Hell she said this before, ya dig? Now she mad... SHE MAD. So i dont know Jodi. I mean i like her but she on bull ya know? WWJD? (what would Jodi do)? LOL
The ReboundE
Sup ReboundE.
Umm from the sounds of things it looks like youre asking if you should be with her. The answer to that is not now. I dont know the girl but i do know shes confused and there is too much room for you to get hurt. Let her finish playing around with her ex (whom she still has feelings for despite what she says) and do you for a while. Hold off on chatting with her too for a while, give her some alone time to reflect on herself. She cant even decide whether or not she wants to drop that zero and get with a hero (ive always wanted a reason to say that so thank you) so do you really wanna be with her? As a matter of fact what is that you like about her? You may find out that you dont even like her like that and you just thought you did.. Think about that some and see what you come up with.
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
Ok so i was friends with this girl all throughout her recent relationship that was just terrible. She was always calling me telling me about how terrible dude was and how terrible he treated her. So me being the nice cool nigga i am i got her back, im givin her advice, talkin to her when her man aint and everything. So her and dude finally break up and she tells me she got feelings for me but she doesnt wanna get in a relationship cause her head is all fucked up right now. So i can get with that and im like cool, its whateva. I was glad she had enough sense to not go from him to me... So a month later right she texts me like i wanna be with you and im ready for a relationship blah blah blah. So im like ok, lets see what this be like. Like 2 weeks later here she comes tellin me maybe this was a mistake and dude wants to be better and yadda yadda yadda. SO im like aight but fuck u then, dont come crawlin back to me cause u on bullshit. So now i don hurt her feelings and she want a nigga back. So today she hit me up on some 'im sorry it was me' type shit. So i tells her well now i gotta think about it cause my head fucked up now. Hell she said this before, ya dig? Now she mad... SHE MAD. So i dont know Jodi. I mean i like her but she on bull ya know? WWJD? (what would Jodi do)? LOL
The ReboundE
Sup ReboundE.
Umm from the sounds of things it looks like youre asking if you should be with her. The answer to that is not now. I dont know the girl but i do know shes confused and there is too much room for you to get hurt. Let her finish playing around with her ex (whom she still has feelings for despite what she says) and do you for a while. Hold off on chatting with her too for a while, give her some alone time to reflect on herself. She cant even decide whether or not she wants to drop that zero and get with a hero (ive always wanted a reason to say that so thank you) so do you really wanna be with her? As a matter of fact what is that you like about her? You may find out that you dont even like her like that and you just thought you did.. Think about that some and see what you come up with.
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
Wont be his lover but im his friend?
Dear Jodi,
My ex boyfriend and I are still good friends but i think its only because we are so comfortable with each other we dont want to break totally away from each other. Nothing has change about him since we broke up, as a matter of fact he got worse... BUT i find myself engaging in late night convos with him and wanting him to cuddle with me. Also he know my rule about no sex unless we are in a relationship but he still doesnt care. He wants what he wants and thats it. So i feel like he just talks to me to see if ill have sex with him and thats not cool. He doesnt woo me anymore or try to impress me, nothing. Even our conversations are getting dull. Idk i want us to remain friends but i know i shouldnt. Do i have to stop being his friends and if so how do i stop?
Friends Forever? lol
LOL Friends Forever?
Even you had to laugh at that... Ok so i tend to not like to answer questions that i know the person already knows the answer but you saved urself by asking the second question of 'How do i stop?'
Before i aswer how do you stop i want to make sure you understand WHY it is you have no other choice but to pull away from this selfish bastard. First you admit that the main reason yall still friends is because you single and just use to his ignorance... Remember you said 'i think its only because we are so comfortable with each other we dont want to break totally away from each other.' Yea, translation:'Im single and i have nothing to occupy my time' Find a good book and go sat down somewhere honey. THEN you admitted that not only has he not changed any for the better, he has gotten worse... Like really? Listen to urself sweety. Then he dont woo you no more, take you out nothing... SO in counclusion he dont like you... AT ALL. Cause i have friends that'll at least take a sista to burger king so i can have something my way. Dang! SO to answer your first question (that you already know the answer too) Let his ass go... Immediately. He aint sh!t and aint tryna be cause ur not demanding him to be.
Now 'How to stop being his comfort zone- I mean friend' you ask? Well you have to commit to it.
First: delete his number, even though i know uve memorized it, delete it.
Two: call him (b4 u delete the number) and explain to him that you guys are not in a relationship and you dont wanna give up the nootch, therefore you will not and if thats all he wants he can go somewhere else.
-You need to say whats on yo mind, EVERYTHING worse case senario, he get mad and dont call u no more, which is what u need!
Three: understand that you deserve more than what you have and do something about it.
-Get you a friend, put yo freeak 'em dress on and go have some fun, get some attention from someone that at least has enough sense not to tell you he wanna bone right off the bat! Jeeze!
Four: Whenever you feel like calling him punch urself in the eye... Seriously. Two results, u gon stop wantin to call him, or u gon call him and he gon come over but not want you no more cause you got a big stupid black eye. Either way i get what i want :-)
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
P.S. Have you seen 'He's not that into you'? If not its a must see. Females need to here they are not the exception so even if they are, they can apprieciate it more.
My ex boyfriend and I are still good friends but i think its only because we are so comfortable with each other we dont want to break totally away from each other. Nothing has change about him since we broke up, as a matter of fact he got worse... BUT i find myself engaging in late night convos with him and wanting him to cuddle with me. Also he know my rule about no sex unless we are in a relationship but he still doesnt care. He wants what he wants and thats it. So i feel like he just talks to me to see if ill have sex with him and thats not cool. He doesnt woo me anymore or try to impress me, nothing. Even our conversations are getting dull. Idk i want us to remain friends but i know i shouldnt. Do i have to stop being his friends and if so how do i stop?
Friends Forever? lol
LOL Friends Forever?
Even you had to laugh at that... Ok so i tend to not like to answer questions that i know the person already knows the answer but you saved urself by asking the second question of 'How do i stop?'
Before i aswer how do you stop i want to make sure you understand WHY it is you have no other choice but to pull away from this selfish bastard. First you admit that the main reason yall still friends is because you single and just use to his ignorance... Remember you said 'i think its only because we are so comfortable with each other we dont want to break totally away from each other.' Yea, translation:'Im single and i have nothing to occupy my time' Find a good book and go sat down somewhere honey. THEN you admitted that not only has he not changed any for the better, he has gotten worse... Like really? Listen to urself sweety. Then he dont woo you no more, take you out nothing... SO in counclusion he dont like you... AT ALL. Cause i have friends that'll at least take a sista to burger king so i can have something my way. Dang! SO to answer your first question (that you already know the answer too) Let his ass go... Immediately. He aint sh!t and aint tryna be cause ur not demanding him to be.
Now 'How to stop being his comfort zone- I mean friend' you ask? Well you have to commit to it.
First: delete his number, even though i know uve memorized it, delete it.
Two: call him (b4 u delete the number) and explain to him that you guys are not in a relationship and you dont wanna give up the nootch, therefore you will not and if thats all he wants he can go somewhere else.
-You need to say whats on yo mind, EVERYTHING worse case senario, he get mad and dont call u no more, which is what u need!
Three: understand that you deserve more than what you have and do something about it.
-Get you a friend, put yo freeak 'em dress on and go have some fun, get some attention from someone that at least has enough sense not to tell you he wanna bone right off the bat! Jeeze!
Four: Whenever you feel like calling him punch urself in the eye... Seriously. Two results, u gon stop wantin to call him, or u gon call him and he gon come over but not want you no more cause you got a big stupid black eye. Either way i get what i want :-)
Let me know what happens,
Jodi~
P.S. Have you seen 'He's not that into you'? If not its a must see. Females need to here they are not the exception so even if they are, they can apprieciate it more.
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